from “I Found Myself . . . The Last Dreams”

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Dream 212

I saw myself examining a picture the size of my palm: an etched portrait of a young man who looks like me and a young woman who resembles B. And, just then, I hear myself say: We have turned into a legend, one to be depicted and retold.

Dream 255

I found myself sinking deeper into the streets of the popular neighborhood until I reached a cart selling lupines. A woman stood by, leaning her arm on it. I recognized her, but only with some difficulty. She approached, asking how I had managed to find her. I told her: A friend from the old days, who’d told me the whole story, gave me directions. Then with great emotion she said: I lost everything and was denied the world. I have nothing left with which to secure a living except for this cart. I told her that I would not abandon her, and she replied, her eyes filling with tears: And I promise you true repentance.

Dream 259

The husband of my darling B had gone away to a science conference and I invited her to meet me. We were walking in Hadaeq Al Qubbah, when we saw someone approach from a distance. My beloved trembled and said: That man is a judge and a friend of my husband. We agreed to go to Alexandria, to be away from prying eyes, but just as the train was pulling into the station, we saw standing on the platform, as though waiting for us, the judge. Fearing the consequences, we decided to abandon our plans and go our separate ways.

Dream 260

I found myself listening to her as she said: It was your kindness that cured me of a fatal disease. I told her: I too am in need of kindness. She said: Very well, but you are sixteen and I am in my fifties. To which I then said: A year full of kindness is better than a lifetime without.

Dream 271

I saw myself as a soccer star playing on the national team. Despite my young age and slight build, my dribbling and scoring skills quickly attracted attention. Fans of the opposing team began urging their players to tackle me. I was surrounded, then the ball took me and carried me up: all were astonished, their eyes following me upwards. The ball kept rising until I disappeared with it into the clouds.

Dream 275

I found myself kissing her. We were older and had overcome our shyness. She told me that in her younger years she had wished to marry me, and that she had tried to give off all the right signs but I, as though in a stupor, hadn’t noticed. I remembered that stupor of first love, which had struck me back then with its heavenly delights and gloomy sorrows.

Dream 277

I found myself with a friend in a garden. He said: Doubtless you loved her. I said: I did then, and I still do. He said: So why did you back out at the very last minute? I said: She did not restrain her affections, and I became completely gripped by an inexplicable panic that drove me away in torment.

Dream 279

By a fortunate turn of events, I was offered a spot on the national soccer team. At the same time, I was given an award and had to travel abroad in order to receive it. I struggled with what to do, but then my neighbor—hearing about my engagement, which was yet to be formally announced—offered to travel in my place, and that was how she and I began a prosperous and playful life together.